Let me start by saying: I LOVE romance.

I write it. I read it. I roll around in it like a cat in catnip and highlight lines like they’re sacred scripture.

But even in all my full-body swooning and “oh my god, he did not just say that” moments, there’s one undeniable truth about this genre we adore:

Sometimes, romance novels say things that make me choke on my wine.

And not because they’re swoony.

Because they’re weird.

Or dramatic.

Or involve anatomy doing things no real human body has ever accomplished outside of Cirque du Soleil or an exorcism.

So in honor of all the bonkers lines that made me laugh, cringe, and reread them three times just to be sure I didn’t hallucinate it—

here’s a little roundup of my personal “Wait… What?!” romance favorites.

1. “He growled in approval.”

Okay, but… is he a man or a woodland creature?

Because unless there’s a full moon and fur, he might need to clear his throat and speak like a person.

Bonus points if he growls, snarls, or “purrs with dominance” all in the same scene. Dude. Relax.

2. “Her nipples pebbled.”

I have never once in my life described anything about myself as “pebbled.”

What does that even mean? Is this a landscaping metaphor? A cold front alert?

I’m begging someone to make it make sense.

3. “He tasted like whiskey and danger.”

What, exactly, does danger taste like?

Gunpowder? Regret? That one gas station sandwich mistake I made in 2017?

Also—are we licking men for flavor now? Should I be carrying a tasting spoon?

4. “I could feel him in my soul.”

Darlin'. That’s not your soul. That’s your cervix.

And what you’re describing might require a heating pad and some light stretching.

Call a doctor, not a poet.

5. “She shattered around him.”

Like emotionally? Physically?

Are we talking glass vase or metaphorical collapse?

Either way, someone needs to sweep the floor or call trauma support. Possibly both.

6. “He kissed me like he was starving.”

This man’s been alive 30+ years and hasn’t eaten?

Can someone please get him a sandwich before he mistakes your face for sustenance?

7. “He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding.”

Did he also forget to blink? Is he… okay?

This man needs a wellness check and maybe a box of herbal tea.

8. “Our tongues battled for dominance.”

I… no.

Why are we fencing with our mouths?

Is this a date or a tongue wrestling match on pay-per-view?

9. “He thrust so deep I saw stars.”

Stars, or floaters from oxygen deprivation?

Because unless this man is legally classified as a rocket, someone’s going to need a chiropractor.

10. “Her back arched off the mattress.”

Always the mattress. Never a couch or carpet.

And usually with a level of flexibility only possessed by Olympic gymnasts or possessed Victorian children.

How are her abs doing? Has anyone asked?

Honorable Mention: “Her core pulsed.”

Core… what?

Her soul? Her abs? Her Wi-Fi signal?

This phrase has haunted me since... forever.

In Conclusion…

Do I roast these lines? Absolutely.

Do I still read them with unholy glee and a highlighter in hand? Also yes.

Because even when romance gets a little unhinged, it’s also fun.

Wild. Creative. Slightly feral. And occasionally anatomically suspect.

And let’s be honest—if a man ever actually growled at me in real life, I’d probably scream…

 But in a book?

 I’m already fanning myself and rereading it with snacks.

💬 Tell me your favorite “Wait… what?!” romance line in the comments! 
Bonus points if it involves animal sounds, gravity-defying sex, or someone’s core doing mysterious things.